just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
