Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
