he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize