so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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