the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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