i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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