I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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