Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this boner is exhausting
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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