Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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