i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
