can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dicks are not precious.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
