I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
