Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
