you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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