This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The ass gains better be worth it
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