physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
