Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
