I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
