this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
