You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
