I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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