did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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