just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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