the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
