I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
