I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
