The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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