butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
