you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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