wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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