I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
