I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
