So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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