I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
