Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
