dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
