if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
These tits shall not be calmed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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