NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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