wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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