Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize