While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
