my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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