I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
