my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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