She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
