capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
