I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
