apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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