I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just pee around me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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