wanna go halves on a baby?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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