sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize