Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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