Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
