I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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