Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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