I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You pole danced in your parka.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
