She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
