so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
