Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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