Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
