the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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