He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
