Apparently you make a good broom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
