There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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