You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize