so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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