I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
