So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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