either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize