No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
porn star boner night. come get it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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