there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
