Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
