my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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