WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
