i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
