she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
