i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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