apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
