remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
