So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
