hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
