Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
