i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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