she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
