Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
