you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
