Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
