I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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