his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
