Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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