How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
