So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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