we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
