i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When are your genitals available?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
