Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
