Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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