We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
