Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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