I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had sex on a roof
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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