how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
