We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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