Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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